I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
