I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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