I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
