I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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