Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
