she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
