True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
