i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
