12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
