i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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