the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
