she was so not down for the gang bang
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
