Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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