I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
