WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think my moral compass just broke
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