A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
