She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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