You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
