btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
