grandma shit on top of the toilet
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize