She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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