Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
