Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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