I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
