The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
