I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
