They should really pass out barf bags in church
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
