I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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