Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so much tequila, so little girl.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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