but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
