if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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