butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
