somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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