so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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