I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
