She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
