You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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