Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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