So drunk its hurt
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
