office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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