On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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