I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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