He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
