My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
