I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she peed on how many people?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
