just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
