My Higher Power is John Stamos
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize