There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
