I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
