I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
one might say we're banned from that church
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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