just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
