thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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