just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
