If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I believe in your delicious
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
