like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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