Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
