I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
