He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
