Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Randomize
