Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
