I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Michael Bay diarrhea
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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