I wish I could teleport
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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