Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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