This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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