OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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